Office Stories

Mystery Cookie

One day you come into work and find a cookie mysteriously placed on your desk. Grateful to whoever left this anonymous cookie, you eat it. The next morning you come in and find another cookie. This continues for months until one day a different object is left—and this time there’s a note.

I work in a law office as a runner.  I basically run errands for all of the lawyers here and, that’s about it. Exciting, right? Not exactly. But recently, I’ve been getting these cookies on my desk everyday for a while now. And they are always different. The first day it was a sugar cookie (my favorite), then it was chocolate chip, then peanut butter, then sandies. I don’t even know the names to all of them, but they are all so good! But, I have no clue who has been randomly putting them on my desk. I’ve asked everyone in the office and they are just as intrigued as I am. The receptionist hasn’t noticed anyone peculiar to just drop it off. I’m not dating anyone, so it’s not that.

One day I come in at my usual time and walk over to my desk. Lo and behold, another cookie. But–what’s this? There’s a note. I look around the area to see if I can see anyone strange in the building who would’ve left it. It’s just me. It has my name on the outside. I open the flap and it reads: “I hope you’ve been enjoying your treats. Would you believe me if I told you these were actually dog biscuits? I know your family works for Pedigree and you’ve been secretly sampling my products. I have my business card attached. If you enjoyed what you’ve tried for these past few weeks. Please give me a call!”

I wanted to throw up immediately after reading that. I later found out that he was a client of ours trying to start his own small business for dog treats and pet supplies. I will never eat a cookie again for the rest of my life…

Day 4 below. Sorry ya’ll. I was sick yesterday so we are cramming both into one!

Sent to the wrong printer

You’re at work and you print something personal (and sensitive). Unfortunately, you’ve sent it to the wrong printer and, by the time you realize it, somebody else has already scooped it up.

Alright, I have to do this today. Even though my printer at home broke, I need to get this printed off, but without my nosy co-workers finding out. I’m quitting my job today after 20 years and the new boss will only accept a resignation letter printed off and handed to him. We cannot email it. Such a weird dude. Alright here we go. Flash drive is in place and the document labeled “Adios Assholes” is ready to print. As I click the button to print, I run over to the printer, ready to grab it from anyone seeing it. But something’s wrong. The printer is staying quiet. At this point, it should be revving up and doing something. Oh shit. Where did it go?! I sprint back to my computer and look again at which printer it was sent to. Holy fucking shit. Why is it going to the one in sales?! Who fucked with my computer?! Stacy, I swear to god… If she sees that letter, I’m so screwed. She would make my life a living hell if she found out I’m leaving. And what I mean by hell is she would be constantly trying to convince me to stay. Little does she know, she’s a big reason why I’m leaving. The most naggy, gossipy, annoying twat I’ve ever had to work with. And she’s only been here a year. Enough worrying, I need to find where that letter went. As I make my way across the office, and into the hell that is sales, my stomach twists as I see Stacy reading something right next to the damn printer. Her mouth drops to the floor and eyes look like one of those bug eyes monkey things you see on the discovery channel. I was too late. She spots me through the glass wall and I’m caught. Fuck it. I turn back around and head for the exit. I would rather be on unemployment for the rest of my life than deal with her shit for 2 weeks. As I stand in the doorway of the main entrance I put both my middle fingers up and scream out, “Adios Assholes!” Best day of my life.

Sorry for the cursing, lol Hope you enjoyed! ##

The One That Got Away

The One That Got Away

You bump into an ex-lover on Valentine’s Day—the one whom you often call “The One That Got Away.” What happens?

Today is by far my least favorite day of the year. Stores filled with hearts, candy, flowers and unnecessarily giant teddy bears. The site of anything love related makes me feel ill. Especially the site of couples kissing and holding hands is enough to make me walk the other way. As I walk past a tiny store decorated in red and pinks, my heart sinks at the man I catch walking towards me. My entire body forgets what normal functions are and my hands shake like butterflies. I feel my face matching the red of the artificially colored teddy bears in the window, when he glimpses my way. He smiles. I nervously laugh like a bumbling idiot. Every step that touches the pavement, is so smooth and sexy. I don’t remember him looking this good. My heart pounds harder the closer he gets to me. His gentle but rough, hand waves at me. I remember those hands. Not only did they know me better than myself, but I watched them as they explored soil in his garden, skillfully pluck the strings of a guitar and play hide and go seek with his son. I rub my fingers together as I think of something witty to say. ‘Funny running in to you here’ with a wink? No, that’s stupid. Maybe ‘Hey bud, how it’s hangin’?’ Oh my god, no. I’ve never called him ‘bud’ before. Okay. Just act cool, like you barely even notice him. Like, ‘Oh my. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you! I think you grew, didn’t you?’ Ugg, stop it. Just be yourself.

Here he comes. As I open my timid lips to speak, he looks right past me and embraces a woman standing behind me. I look behind me to see if I recognize her. A sister or mother. But I don’t know her at all. My heart pounds for other reasons now and my eyes fill with tears uncontrollably.  He’s moved on. And that’s fine. I guess I’ve moved on too. I storm into the Valentines decor store, rip off the bears head and walk out. I fucking hate this holiday.

If you’re unsure what a writing prompt is, go here.

Feel free to add your own responses in a comment!  ##


Breaking Up


Breaking Up With Writers Block

It’s time for you and Writer’s Block to part ways. Write a letter breaking up with Writer’s
Block, starting out with, “Dear Writer’s Block, it’s not you, it’s me …”

Dear Writers Block,

It’s not you, it’s me… I mean, don’t get me wrong. You’re so great. You can’t help who you are and I really admire that. But, lately I’ve come to terms with who I am too, and I’ll be honest with you, you’re just not good for me. We spent so much time together that one time in September and while it may have been good for you… I was getting sick of you and just wanted you to go back home to your family. I’m sorry if this comes off as blunt, but I feel like you deserve to know the real reasons why we can’t ever, ever, ever, get back together. And you have to stop coming by my house anytime I’m in the middle of writing a really great ending. I see you and, well, old feelings come back. It’s so easy to melt back into your arms and forget everything about my stories. But, you’ve even caused me to start drinking again, and you know how I get when I drink too much. It’s not pretty. What I’m trying to say, Writers Block, is please don’t come around anymore. There are plenty of other victims for you to leach onto, like college freshmen and George R. R. Martin. I mean, are you ever going to let him end his Game of Thrones series? It’s just cruel. You have a serious problem and I worry about you. I hope that you can find help and become Inspiration, rather than a Block. ‘Cause no one likes a block… am I right? Anyways, I wish you well and hope you find happiness without me.

Yours truly,

Laura and the rest of the world