She opened her eyes to see painted clouds on a blue ceiling. She rubbed her eyes and looked around the room. She was in her old bedroom from when she was a girl. Everything seemed so slow, like it was playing a memory in slow motion. She slid off the small bed that she questioned on how she even fit on it. She looked down at her feet and she’s wearing her black dressy shoes that she wore when her family went to fancy places. She also had on her black frilly dress that she remembers she wore once when the dog they had died and they had a funeral in the backyard for him.
7 Sentences; 6 of them begin with ‘She’.
This is the kind of mindless editing that I’m doing for my entire 60k+ word book. Granted, I think I was more aware of this later on in the story, but MY GOD. Some might just say I’m being nit-picky or obsessive, but this bothers me more than anything else. I know my tenses are really bad too, but this is right up there with it. It just baffles me how I wrote this X-amount of time ago, and just from editing, I see this and think a 5th grader wrote it. Anyways, just be comforted of the idea that the final re-write will not contain things like this. Thankfully. ##
Hello! Okay, I decided to start writing again. It’s so hard to put away sometimes. For those of you who have read Fliers, at least half way through, you might remember the B&B, with Lana and stuff. Harold shows up out of no where and kills her, for.. some reason… but, be confused NO MORE!
I deleted that whole thing! Yep. It’s gone. It was in the original draft, (you know from 8 years ago) but after editing everything, I decided how much I hated that part. It just didn’t make sense. Lana looking like her mothers clone, the fact they were okay with staying at a hotel or whatever, even though they are trying to stay low. And Harold showing up and threatening Lana with a gun to her head so Gia won’t shoot him. And then killing Lana, being something significant for Syd, but really, it was just filler.
So, I have gotten rid of all of that and have replaced it with them staying in a tent that, ta-da, Willow was already carrying! I dunno why I had them stay in a house/hotel thing when Willow was already prepared for them to sleep in tents so they DIDN’T have to sleep at a hotel. Fliers are wanted now, and why would they risk going to sleep somewhere where they might get captured? Besides the train thing, but it was the fastest way of transportation. I will back that part up. But the BnB thing, no.
I will introduce Silas into the story sooner and in a different way. Might help the tiny love story that’s in here too. Does he save her life? Who knows! 🙂 Oh, because they are attacked by a Grizzly and Sydona is a little out of her element. Silas to the rescue! I know, sounds cliche, but what are ya gonna do? ##