As you can see, I have “changed” my name. Laura Mae will most likely be the name I put for my works. Marshall is a little… blah.. and doesn’t really stick out. Mae is my actual middle name and the two sound better together and flow better, I think. Also, my website named changed because just lauramae was unavailable… So I put author after it 🙂 I was okay with that! ##
I had an interesting dream last night. But one interesting but weird thing I took away from it was an interaction I had with a man, talking about grapes. Yes, in my dream I was at a grocery store, and grabbed a $30.00 bag of grapes. (Dreams are weird…) anyway, I eat the grapes throughout the store, because I had to try them but I did not want to actually buy them. The price was insane. So I eat them, and randomly hand them out to other people so they could try the expensive grapes too.
I came across this man who claimed that grapes were male and female. He explained it like, when the stem comes off when you take it off the vine, it’s a female. If the stem doesn’t come off, it’s a male. And he used both of them as an example, by placing the stem inside the other grape with no stem. (Lol this killed me)
I told him it was just physics and some stems come off and some don’t. But I loved his theory much more. So that’s my dream. Oh yeah, and throughout the entire dream, I was also Batman. ##
Just wanted to send out a quick Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! One thing I am very thankful for is your support! This is not something I could have dreamed of that I would be doing, 5 years ago. And it really helps me keeps me going to know you are all in support of what I am doing! My book may not be ready yet, but it is well on it’s way and I’m so thankful that you are behind me and waiting for the finished product! I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday and eats a ton of food! ##
Hello. This isn’t going to be anything from my book. Just me. Sometimes I feel like I can’t talk to anyone who knows what I’m going through. I am part of several writing groups online and try to seek out advice from them, but it doesn’t really help at all. And this could just be a side-effect of a pill I started taking, but who the hell knows.
I am finding myself, depressed, angry, annoyed, pissed off at so many things lately. I don’t know if it’s part of my writing, or my pills, or what. At work, I feel so sluggish, and unenergetic, to the point where I want to just leave, but I can’t do that. I like the people I work with and couldn’t just walk away. Plus, I’m an adult and have no plan B. I am hoping I will get over this emotional crap soon. I feel it’s taking a toll on those around me. I just want my book to be published and done with. And I’m not even done editing it all. Still have to publish it and market the crap out of it.
This is in no way a cry for help or attention. I just wanted to let whoever reads this know what’s been going on with me, and let you know my struggles. I hope this 9 year project is worth it and at least one person cares about it as much as I do. Thanks for reading. ##
Excerpt from Chapter 15:
A guard yelled a few tents down from their own. “Peterson! We got another one!”
The conversation stopped, not realizing how close the guards were. Sydona’s heart sped up at the thought of them catching Raoul in the tent with them. They sat silently as they tried to decipher what he was yelling about.
“Uh, Lydia Garrison.”
“How’d it happen?”
“Looks like it was a plastic knife, up her wrists.”
“How long was she here for?”
“I don’t know. Couple years, maybe? Does it matter?”
“Yes, Dr. Malik needs to keep track.”
“She makes three this month. Fucking useless–.”
“Hey. Not here.”
The guards faded off.
Sydona couldn’t help but peek out the opening in the tent entrance. And she wasn’t alone, as she looked around, others were also looking out, seeing who the victim was. The guards exited tent 46, carrying a body with the blanket covering up most of her. Lydia’s arms were hanging lifeless outwards, covered in blood, and skin was white as snow. The blanket didn’t conceal much, and Sydona caught a glimpse of her face. She was pretty, and young, maybe in her twenties.
“Back in your tents!” the head guard shouted, carrying her feet.
Sydona did as she was told and went back inside with a heavy heart. The morning started off so nice, for once, and now it had a cloud hanging over. She returned to her cot, with a sullen face.
“How’s she do it? With a plastic knife? Idiot. Now they’re gonna take them away from us,” Maverick scoffed, without a trace of empathy in his voice.
“How can you say that? A woman just died…,” Sydona whispered angrily.
“The last time someone killed themselves that way, they feed us liquid crap for months. Sometimes don’t even give us spoons! Selfish–” Maverick grumbled.
“Selfish? You are a heartless–”
“Look. When you have been here as long as I have, you see a lot of death. Fliers are killing themselves all the time. This isn’t anything new. And she’s selfish because when she dies, they go out and find someone to replace her. Putting us more at risk. People need to learn to be more positive.”
Sydona sat flabbergasted at Maverick, Raoul the same.
“Don’t look at me that way,” Maverick started. “You think I’m heartless. I’m realistic. I’ve stayed around this long so they don’t bring new people in. I can’t comment on why they brought you here and others as of late. But I know for a fact, every time someone commits suicide, someone else has to take their place.” ##